Not So Special

I wish I was special
You're so f***ing special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

-Radiohead

I keep wishing my life was more interesting than it is, I see other people working, in their chosen field. I see students who haven't even gotten out of school working in architecture firms. These same firms won't even look at me, it seems. I hear about people's trips to Ireland, Italy, Japan, and I've been nowhere. I can afford nothing.

Nothing is happening to me. It is like my life was indefinitely put on hold, but no one told me the reason. I'd just like a sticky-note put on my desk before I wake-up in the morning.

Dear Sir,
We are currently assessing future changes to your life, and as we allot budgets, release work-orders, and commit to a new timeline, your life is subsequently and until further notice, officially put on hold.

We are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause, but there is really little you or anyone else can do about it. Thank you.

You know, something to make me feel like a real person again. Instead I have a collection of rejection letters from the Boston area. And I am applying to (for an innocuous example): hardware-supply stores with Kitchen Design Services, and customer services at the counter.

Some days I feel fine, and some others I feel like walking in front of a bus. Metaphorically speaking.

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it." -Ferris | Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Western Civilization and the Modern Work Ethic.

In the United States, particularly Modern Western Civilization instills in us, an established work ethic. We believe it is for the greater good. There are some variations; here in the states it is not uncommon to think of overtime as mandatory. (Working overtime if you're salaried is part of the job.) Or Friday as a day to relax, (unless you have a deadline). Not all bad, but I have heard that in some European establishments, (not country, so as not to assume everyone in a particular nation does things the same way,) it is customary to award reduced hours in place of monetary compensation, when giving raises or promotions.

For the most part The ideal work week model is:

40-45 hours.

More than that is Overtime.

Less than that must be excused

Those allotments are divided into 4-5 'shifts'

Typically in the middle a period of rest is allowed in the middle.

if breaks are allowed they are brief and considered extraneous.

holiday pay is rare. vacation time is usually no more than two weeks out of the year, if it is paid, and sometimes it is combined with sick time for a cumulative assessment.

Without examining all the variations as separate models, ask yourself the question: how viable is this? It doesn't work at all in some professions; actors, authors, musicians. But if you're not working within this model of efficiency, you're considered lazy.

Also, ask yourself the question: who benefits?
Another might be: what is my ideal?

True most of us if given the opportunity to give up the struggle of seeking employment, following a work schedule, and answering to somebody else, we would. This isn't even about what we would do if we won the lottery, or inherited a fortune. [Assuming the reader of this blog works a steady job, or is trying to,] ask yourself why it is you should work in excess of 50 hours a week, skip lunch, sometimes even take work home with you, all for the benefit of the company.

Who made it so the very few benefit so greatly from the constant supply of willing workers. Got arthritis, becoming slow? You're fired, (laid off) and with no benefits, because we found someone else who is willing to work for half your payrate, and no benefits.

On top of everything else, employers are acting more and more in the interest of the profit margin than their staff. Time can be siphoned off of a regular week and banked, to allow the business to lay off their workers as seasonal. These practices are supposedly illegal, and in use, in the United States today.

Corporate entities are constantly using unethical pratices like producing life insurance policies on their own employees that benefit the corporate entity, not the individual. This is also practiced in America.

The only question left worth asking is; how much is too much? Are you already victim to one of these, or other business practices that hurt your bottom line, put you further into debt, or else put a strain on your relationships, and lower your standard of living?

How much is too much?

Back to the Basics

Building an architectural model today. Between designing, and having my head plugged into a set of cordless headphones, I find the experience almost like meditation. The outside world can't get in, and its influence becomes minimalized. Pure form.

As I've stated in a previous post: I like building with scaled plywood. Typically 3-ply, very sturdy, and it cuts well. I also have purchased several packages of scaled W-sections. For those of you who wonder, W is an abbreviation of Wide Flange, because before steel members were called I-beams, and typically that's what they looked like. I'm not sure why they didn't start calling them H-beams, except that by that time it didn't make sense to use the name 'beam' for something that worked as both a beam; horizontal member, and as a column; vertical member. None of that is relevant, so I'll leave further explanation to the textbooks.

Currently I am waiting for my brother and his wife to move out, so their things stored in the garage get moved to their new apartment. Work can then resume in there, for now, my workshop consists of half of my bedroom. I have a light-table [approx. 3'x5'], that I use for both drawings and model-making. The fluorescent light inside lights up the whole room. The one draw back is trace paper rips easily, and using a compass against a large glass surface usually results in a tear.

Most of my model supplies stay in storage crates until I need them. I think when the office is finished I will make a finished built-in cabinet for the models when they are complete. The doors will be fitted with Plexiglas so there isn't a chance of breakage.

The College Experience

I hated being broke all the time in college. Many people I know have said it was those unifying details that made our experiences so similar. It wasn't at all true, but it is a nice notion. A lot of college students played poor, (simulated poverty, driving a Mercedes-Benz) but it wasn't the same as actually being impoverished. Very few were actually threatened with their classes being cancelled, but they got better financial aid coverage than I did.

The deciding factor: they lied better than I did, (or their parents lied better than mine). Now after college, I've paid almost nothing back in my student loans, and the accrued interest is staggering. Former peers in school have held jobs in their intended field, and others had help from their parents after the fact, proving they had more means than admitted previously.

This fact is, I'm told, one of the primary reasons that federal grants and the loan programs are so poorly managed. An overall lack of funds. My argument remains that despite this we are indisputably the wealthiest nation on the planet. Students should be able to attend school for free (no hassles while going) and members of the armed forces should get a full expenses paid-deal, (like athletic scholarship students enjoy today.) Everyone should have automatic healthcare at least until age 21, or until graduation.

In the Meantime...

Making the arduous trip to the career center, I actually had a good experience. The modern version of the unemployment office is usually a horrid depressing experience, more so because you're typically surrounded by people you'd normally consider losers. And here you sit with them. It is especially hard to accept because while the doofus on either side of you seems content to chat it up with the doofus on the other side of you, there you sit, thinking you're diligently working at finding employment.

Typically all I can stand is approximately an hour, and today was no different. All I did was grab a copy of the 'hotsheets' and an a calendar of the months workshops. What made this trip to hell's waiting room different was the job postings were much more numerous, and even a bit promising.

There is nothing so humbling than getting your professional B. Arch., but scouring the want ads for fork-lift operator jobs. On that note, I've never felt like walking in front of a bus more, than while I was waiting in line at Taco Bell and looking at the application dispenser. (I had worked there both during, and just after high school, quitting and going back to school a year later felt like one of life's milestones.) But there it was, life sucked.

Other Projects In Mind

Here is a brief and incomplete list of other things I have in mind, (some in the early planning stages, others with concrete work finished) they are as follows:

Continued construction on the conversion of my parents garage into a multi-purpose office. It already has the new wall built into where the garage door used to be, with the new front door and a double-hung window in its place. It was either that or replace the old doors with a new metal door, and that doesn't look so great from the perspective of the interior. It will, when complete, have space enough for two computer workstations, a very large drafting table/model building space, a small table saw, (I like working with scaled plywood) and finally a bed alcove in the roof fit for a futon, and a 2x6 ladder. (Also thinking of making a rope-and-plank bridge out the back to a tree platform.) Summer of BBQ party in the trees. Yay. This is actually coming along fairly nicely. I will post a picture or two when I have it completed to the degree that I can set up shop in there.

Starting a redesign proposal of the Woolworth building that has been vacant in my town for close to 50 years. The idea is simple enough, it is a multi-story building which could easily accommodate several varied smaller businesses with a unified theme, like a mini-mall. It would have a main colonnade in the center with an open glassed-in elevator bank, and skylights down the center of the building. In my mind the more uses to a building the better, my main proposal would also have small apartments attached to each of the stores, so commute is minimized.

My brother and I have purchased an XL-1s Digital Camera. I planned a movie set on the site of Danvers State Hospital, but I'm broke, and they have it slated for demolition between 2004-2005. I would have to organize a covert operation, including but not limited to; breaking and entering, trespassing, loitering, and possibly disturbance of the peace. It would also have to be at night, and that would seriously give me a raging case of the heebie-jeebies. I might shudder, I could cry, I may also gallantly wet myself if I start to hear noises that don't belong in a derelict building. If anyone has tips on either filming at night, or filming on location sans permit, let me know. I don't know why, but after seeing what can be done with layering and blue-screen technology in The Others, I'm inspired to try my own ideas out.

As you can tell, I'm fairly busy for one who remains unemployed. It is either that or fall full force into a fit of depression. Stay tuned for more updates...

Back to the Book

Just resolved some major plot issues, while writing my novel. I apologize for remaining vague in my descriptions, but besides being someone who has little faith in others, I am also slightly paranoid. Career hazard, I suppose.

I probably won't be done writing for another month or so, and even if I do finish that early, I still have to find an agent to market it, along with all of the hassle that goes with it. If anyone has been published and not raked across the coals their first time out, give me a line, I could use help.

On this Sunday morning, I will spend the better half of my time processing all of my hand-written sections to disk. I hope to make the book approximately 300 pages. A little short for the modern novel, but it might be a struggle to attain that length, since I believe the story can be told in that allotment without becoming too wordy.

My question for the day: Is 300 pages enough? What is the average length of people's favorite books?

Working at Home

It's Friday. Yay. I managed to write another section of my novel. Since this is my first mention of it on this blog, I'll explain. A while back I decided rather than just be angry about not having a job, I'd try my hand at writing a scathing book about my dislikes of corporate America. Sort of like the satirical Jennifer Government. Only not a satire.

The main focus is on the treatment of all employees as though they are simply numeric values. Pay rates, expenses, productivity, etcetera. The point was I thought I had something to say. While it took me longer than I expected to get it out on paper, it still feels good.

More on that later.

In other unrelated news I should have a few building models ready for photographs in the next few days, and I will be adding them to my portfolio webpage in about a week. I'll post a link here, if anyone is interested.

My First Entry

Here's my first entry to the blog.

Nothing interesting happening lately. Unless you count my spine getting a little pinched, and me feeling recurring numbness throughout different areas on my body.

At first I was feeling like a hypochondriac, and I started looking up symptoms on WebMD. After I was done with my weirdness over descriptions of things like Multiple Sclerosis, I realized that the height of my laptop on my already low particle board desk was causing me to have the posture of an old woman with osteoporosis.

So, long story short: crooked neck = pinched nerve = loss of feeling in my body. Nice. Also, this morning I woke up around 2 AM with zero loss of sensation, and a backache.