Smokers Beware

Smokers, I hate you. Here is a top... Four... maybe Five reasons you should die.

1.) You stink.
Everything about you, and I'm not sure if you realize it anymore, because your olfactory senses have been deadened to the degree that bathing and perfuming have become much the same thing. Your breath usually smells like a pile of dead skunks in a dung heap, with week-old rotten eggs mixed in. You're unaware of the offensive odors emanating from your body, and it isn't just the smoke. If fact people who have moved on to old-fashioned pipe tobacco, I applaud your efforts to cover up everything else that stinks on you. Chances are, you're old, and have quite a bit to cover up.

2.) You're completely devoid of manners or thoughtfulness.
Your inaptitude in what others might call common courtesy shows no bounds and it shows in nearly every action. Next time you think planting yourself directly in front of the restaurant you are leaving, or right on the front steps of the house you're at, throw yourself in front of a fucking bus. Trust me, you're not far enough off the beaten path. You need to put yourself;

A.) Out of my way
B.) downwind, refer to reason 1.

3.) You're irritable.
This falls into something of a personal nature , but cigarettes are supposed to relax you, not turn you into an utter psychopath if you don't get "yo' smokes." Go fuck yourself.

[Ex.] One brother who does smoke couldn't find his cigarettes and accused second brother of defiling them. Second brother expressed confusion and said he had no idea of what the other brother spoke. Supposedly that brother then had to walk twenty minutes in both directions to obtain new cigarettes at the time of night he "needed*" them. So in retaliation for imagined affront to his goddess, tobacco, he proceeded to take a piece of gravel and "key" other brother's automobile. What a Nancy.

*reads = is a giant pussy without them.

4.) You're slobs.
Afore mentioned brother and next door neighbor are in stiff competition to see who will reign as supreme champion of the clogger of the street drain competition. Pick up after yourself you goddamned slobs. This goes the same for a restaurant.

5.) You usually have an enabler.
In defense of the goddamned smoking, one argues that it was an addiction, and the same as being overweight. I am overweight. Goddamn it, I'm fat. I hate that about myself, but let's be honest;

A.) I don't eat a box of cupcakes a week to get there.
B.) I wouldn't spend five bucks a pack to eat said cupcakes.
C.) I don't froth half my afore mentioned hypothetical cupcakes into the faces of those around me who are either diabetic or on a diet.

So, I might be fat, but you're still the biggest assholes, smokers. Fall asleep in that easy chair with a lit death-stick hanging out of your face. Then burn.